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    <h1>Goodbye, America: Hosurance Edition</h1>
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<p class="nav"><span class="nav-left">Listed under <a href="/heartiste-2013.html">Heartiste: 2013</a>.</span><span class="nav-right"><a href="/theme.html">Theme</a></span></p>
<p>From the <a href="https://heartiste.org/2013/11/13/goodbye-america-hosurance-edition/" target="_blank">original article</a> on November 13, 2013. Author: <a href="https://heartiste.org/" target="_blank">Chateau Heartiste</a>.</p>
  <!-- This article was generated automatically using GigaChad System Alpha: HEARTISTE v1.0. If there are any stylistic errors or bugs, please report them. -->
  <p>Our devolving culture is disaggregating into its origin slime so rapidly it’s hard to distinguish parody from reality anymore. Behold:</p>
  <a href="/files/kbvewSjT.jpg" target="_blank"><img class="center" src="/files/kbvewSjT.jpg"></a>
  <p>Do not adjust your vertical or horizontal. What you are <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20131119072618/http://minx.cc/?post=344916" target="_blank">seeing is real</a>. It’s an <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20131119072618/http://doyougotinsurance.com/" target="_blank">Obamacare ad campaign</a>, currently appearing in Colorado (which means Coloradan taxpayers may be funding this flagrant farce). As an astute reader noted, advertising can be pretty creative when there’s only one choice on the menu.</p>
  <p>Just when you think you’ve got a handle on how low the US elite can go catering to the orc and pork armies, a new shit pit is excavated. Ponder the above.</p>
  <p>– Ebonics website URL (doyougotinsurance.com? what’s next? muhfugginfreeshit.com?)<br/> – Fat ass chick crushing her giant pink ball. This is the new rotund normal, you’d better embrace it, fucknozzle. I don’t care if your hands can’t reach past her second belly fold.<br/> – The dispensing with any pretense that Obamacare is about anything other than a money spigot that no one (worth caring about) has to pay for.<br/> – The ankle tattoos. Is that a “Z”? Did Zorro rapier her snatch and leave his calling card?<br/> – Gotta love the wine and exercise juxtaposition. Yeah, that’s how you want to work out... drunk.<br/> – Success in life is measured by how many good bottles of wine you can score.<br/> – The whole scene is meant to evoke the livin’ LARGE lifestyle of the modern SWPL brunch-scarfing, egg-dying, government-idolizing liberal tart. I think the fat one is shitting Shonda Rhimes.<br/> – Dat manjaw on the left one. In case you forgot that testosterone-charged women are now running the show... into the ground.<br/> – Ali and Caitlin are not sweatin’ it, because women were not put on this earth to worry about how they’ll pay for all their nice shit. Who are you, some misogynist who wants to stop giving women freebies? *squaawk* War on women!</p>
  <p>You want to rebuke the ruling class for assuming the average American woman is an idiot, but then they have a point. This is our culture now, and the lords of lies are merely speaking the primitive language of their degraded subjects.</p>
  <p>Another one:</p>
  <a href="/files/JbisPTYS.jpg" target="_blank"><img class="center" src="/files/JbisPTYS.jpg"></a>
  <p>Why do ads that, by any reasonable suspicion, seem primarily aimed at the problems of minorities, feature white people? CYA? Revised expectations? Or is it that our new healthcare overlords know they need white people on board, because who else is gonna fund this free lunch extravaganza? We’re living in a banksters paradise, and you’re the sucker.</p>
  <p>“OMG, he’s hot!”</p>
  <p>OMG, the country is going bankrupt.</p>
  <p>“Let’s hope he’s as easy to get as this birth control.”</p>
  <a href="/files/RfOUz7DS.gif" target="_blank"><img class="center" src="/files/RfOUz7DS.gif"></a>
  <p>Because men are hard to entice with sexual favors. </p>
  <p>“My health insurance covers the pill, which means all I have to worry about is getting him between the covers.”</p>
  <p>Slut pride. Daddy’s little girl is all growed up. The disclaimer is a riot. What’s this “common sense” they speak of? Not sleeping with every man who will dump a quickly forgotten fuck in her? Talk about a fine print buzzkill.</p>
  <p>“Susie &amp; Nate, Hot to Trot”</p>
  <p>Girl: He doesn’t have to stick it in my pooper anymore! *thumbs up*<br/> Guy: You mean I can cum in this sloot and get my Aunt Gertrude and that fat beta in accounting to pay for the privilege? *smirk*</p>
  <p>CH has drawn up amended — and more bracingly honest — editions of these CO Obamacare “hosurance” ads.</p>
  <a href="/files/uuyab6mu.png" target="_blank"><img class="center" src="/files/uuyab6mu.png"></a>
  <br>
  <a href="/files/pdHfiWH5.png" target="_blank"><img class="center" src="/files/pdHfiWH5.png"></a>
  <p>Hold on... I’m getting an image in my head... a picture is forming... a picture of America in 2013. Ah, here it is:</p>
  <a href="/files/L2fZHTkE.jpg" target="_blank"><img class="center" src="/files/L2fZHTkE.jpg"></a>
  <p>Put her down.</p>
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