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    <h1>Texts From The Female Id</h1>
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<p class="nav"><span class="nav-left">Listed under <a href="/heartiste-2010.html">Heartiste: 2010</a>.</span><span class="nav-right"><a href="/theme.html">Theme</a></span></p>
<p>From the <a href="https://heartiste.org/2010/06/10/texts-from-the-female-id/" target="_blank">original article</a> on June 10, 2010. Author: <a href="https://heartiste.org/" target="_blank">Chateau Heartiste</a>.</p>
  <!-- This article was generated automatically using GigaChad System Alpha: HEARTISTE v1.0. If there are any stylistic errors or bugs, please report them. -->
  <p><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20141227031143/http://textsfromlastnight.com/" target="_blank">Texts From Last Night</a> is a great source of insight into the true nature of women’s sexuality. Why? Because it’s a compilation of texts that typically have been sent under the influence of alcohol, AKA truth serum, or of texts meant for trusted confidants.</p>
  <p>Examples:</p>
  <p>What women <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20141227031143/http://textsfromlastnight.com/Text-Replies-17496.html" target="_blank">really think of your emoticons</a>:</p>
  <blockquote><p>he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal [with] this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.</p></blockquote>
  <p>Remember <a href="/what-does-it-mean-to-be-off-the-market.html" target="_blank">Maxim #101</a>?</p>
  <p><strong>For most women, five minutes of alpha is worth five years of beta.</strong></p>
  <p>Here’s a text from a girl <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20141227031143/http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/Text-Replies-16495.html" target="_blank">confirming that maxim</a>:</p>
  <blockquote><p>Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.</p></blockquote>
  <p>That is a wicked soulrip worthy of Pinhead’s hooked chains.</p>
  <p>Being a beta provider in today’s sexual marketplace <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20141227031143/http://textsfromlastnight.com/Text-Replies-376.html" target="_blank">is a net negative</a>:</p>
  <blockquote><p>I’ll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don’t leave RIGHT when the bassist does.</p></blockquote>
  <p>Pre-selection is the most powerful <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20141227031143/http://textsfromlastnight.com/Text-Replies-17593.html" target="_blank">animating force of female desire</a>:</p>
  <blockquote><p>every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is “my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her” and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.</p></blockquote>
  <p>Chicks dig jerks, <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20141227031143/http://textsfromlastnight.com/Text-Replies-17595.html" target="_blank">series without end</a>:</p>
  <blockquote><p>he said ‘i love fucking you, ashley’. it was the most romantic thing he’s said during sex because he actually used my name.</p></blockquote>
  <p>At least the guy was honest. Truth is, that’s what most men mean when they think about romance.</p>
  <p>It turns out someone got a hold of my texts and posted them to TFLN. I’m embarrassed by these, but since they’re already out there, it’s best if I just show them to you right now, like ripping off a band-aid, and hope the whole thing blows over quickly.</p>
  <blockquote><p>do you do anal?</p><p>***</p><p>[GIRL] hey, i’m sorry but i have to cancel for tonight.</p><p>[ME] :)))))))))))))))))))</p><p>***</p><p>[GIRL] you really are an ass.</p><p>[ME, three months later] you say something?</p><p>***</p><p>[GIRL] last night was fantastic, sexy boy.</p><p>[ME] tell me about it. i totally kicked your butt in scrabble.</p><p>***</p><p>i didn’t know you had a younger, hotter, tighter sister.</p><p>***</p><p>i left the bar tab for you. thanks, cutie!</p><p>***</p><p>your pussy smells</p><p>[15 minutes later] delightful.</p><p>***</p><p>you’re breaking up with me? was it the dutch ovens?</p><p>***</p><p>i’m not giving you 500 bucks to see an immigration lawyer. your blowjobs aren’t that good.</p><p>***</p><p>[GIRL] i’m really falling for you!</p><p>[ME] don’t get pregnant.</p><p>***</p><p>[GIRL] why do you have to be such a jerk?</p><p>[ME] why do you have to be such a jerk-lover?</p><p>***</p><p>[GIRL] i don’t think this is going to work out.</p><p>[ME] your mom!</p><p>[GIRL] i’m being serious. it’s over.</p><p>[ME] your mom!</p><p>***</p><p>thanks for the romantic evening fucking in your husband’s bed.</p><p>***</p><p>sorry, men’s nipples really aren’t that sensitive. stop projecting and focus on the important parts.</p><p>***</p><p>i’ve never seen a naked body like yours.</p><p>***</p><p>730, thurs, at the pub down the street. wear your fuck me pumps.</p><p>***</p><p>i think i might’ve accidentally farted in your cat’s face.</p></blockquote>
  <p>I’m so ashamed. :/</p>
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