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    <h1>Reader Mailbag: Drunk Iambic Pentameter Edition</h1>
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<p class="nav"><span class="nav-left">Listed under <a href="/heartiste-2009.html">Heartiste: 2009</a>.</span><span class="nav-right"><a href="/theme.html">Theme</a></span></p>
<p>From the <a href="https://heartiste.org/2009/04/17/reader-mailbag-drunk-iambic-pentameter-edition/" target="_blank">original article</a> on April 17, 2009. Author: <a href="https://heartiste.org/" target="_blank">Chateau Heartiste</a>.</p>
  <!-- This article was generated automatically using GigaChad System Alpha: HEARTISTE v1.0. If there are any stylistic errors or bugs, please report them. -->
  <p>I was inspired by Roosh’s “<a href="http://www.rooshv.com/2009/open-letter-to-poetry-girl" target="_blank">Poetry Girl</a>” posts, so I will be answering this edition of reader mailbag in iambic pentameter. I was buzzed when I wrote this.</p>
  <p><strong>Email #1</strong></p>
  <blockquote><p>Is it wise to # close more than one woman in the same venue? There are 2 fields of thought here: the most common one being the jealousy plotline; things could only work in your favor but I seem to think that you come off as a player thereby lowering your chances with a quality girl because she might believe shes just another #. Thanks for reading!</p><p>K.</p></blockquote>
  <p>when your game is tight and chicks are squirming<br/> digits are second class to same night boning<br/> but sometimes that number is your only lover<br/> so isolate that chick in a corner undercover<br/> minimize exposure to target reacquisition<br/> flip that phone open down low out of vision<br/> otherwise stop whining about being seen<br/> chicks may bitch but they dig the roving peen<br/> if another lady asks tell her cheekily<br/> “i didn’t know we were married. i’ll be home by three.”</p>
  <p><strong>Email #2</strong></p>
  <blockquote><p>Let’s assume that you’ve decided to procreate (ya, ya, I know...just bear with), and you find yourself the father of females. The question is: what are your guiding principles when raising them? What advice or information do you wish them to have?</p><p>-MF</p></blockquote>
  <p>procreating brother<br/> listen right<br/> daughters are trouble<br/> life ain’t black and white<br/> keep your standards double<br/> and your hypocrisy tight<br/> pull your son aside and give him condoms<br/> and a copy of mystery method and my bloggings<br/> send him on his way never the fool<br/> with my words of wisdom: “three date rule”<br/> then pull your daughter aside and be real firm<br/> “keep your legs shut and your hands off the worm<br/> you’re a princess you’re a queen<br/> you’re worth more than heaven<br/> make those boys wait till your seventy-seven<br/> don’t try to slum it with assholes and herbs<br/> and don’t slut it up cause that’s what you heard<br/> your window is small, by 30 it’s closed<br/> you want lawyers, kids and money?<br/> keep it scarce till you’re betrothed<br/> and no, you’re not gettin’ a fucking clit piercing</p>
  <p><strong>Email #3</strong></p>
  <blockquote><p>Subject: fat ness</p><p>So my husband and I read your blog. We are both fans of PUA stuff and have been for a zillion years... even before it was the in thing.</p><p>Anyway, he and I were talking yesterday about how you hate fat people so much. And we agree that certainly you are allowed to have your own taste in visuals... nothing wrong with that...</p><p>But the idea that chubby girls don’t try, aren’t good in bed, aren’t smart etc doesn’t make much sense.</p><p>Sure some fat people are lazy and dumb... and we all agree they are not as nice to look at. However, overall it appears to us that a regular chubby girl that tries to look decent, has a job, and is of average intellect ... that they do try harder.</p><p>Curvy women appears to need to try harder and they do... and why is that a bad thing? Sure if you don’t want them as arm candy great... but they do try harder in bed, they do work harder in a relationship, and they do overall appreciate their partners more.</p><p>Are you really going to reject them in all ways in your life just because they aren’t 10’s? Again, we are not talking about visual taste here... we mean by everything else.... if they do try, work, and achieve more because they have to overcome and that trying hard benefits you.. why would hate them so?</p><p>Just a question we were talking about yesterday in the car 🙂</p><p>J and A</p><p>Also, I thought it would be great if bears (or any animals) actually had the evolutionary trait to pick a fatter person... it just makes sense. At this stage though a bear would not pick someone just because they are fat... they would pick anything that they would eat.</p></blockquote>
  <p>so just how fat are you?<br/> 300 pounds?<br/> i’m guessing by “chubby”<br/> you mean “equatorial round”<br/> let’s keep this straight<br/> let’s keep this true<br/> what i feel ain’t hate<br/> it’s disgust. pity too.<br/> life is as fair as lion infanticide<br/> no rhyme nor reason just ugly on all sides<br/> there ain’t no getting around it<br/> men like slender babes<br/> guys who claim otherwise<br/> are consoling their brains<br/> and fat chicks try hard<br/> and their personality sparkles<br/> cause they gotta bring *something*<br/> to atone for their waddle<br/> so cut out the bullshit<br/> turn down the noise<br/> and try harder on what matters<br/> drop the chunk for his loins<br/> on second thought<br/> if you want to stay married<br/> best not increase your options<br/> or you’ll see your hubby with new clarity<br/> and trust me on this<br/> cause i speak from my life<br/> it ain’t easy being virtuous<br/> when you’ve got a shot at vice</p>
  <p><strong>Email #4</strong></p>
  <blockquote><p>Need some FAST help here to keep me from leaving for the summer on a beta note.</p><p>My first year at college is wrapping up in a week. I’m not sure how to handle the girls who i’ve been casually flirting with before the four month-long layoff between now and the fall. I’ll be living in a completely different city. Should I write them a smarky Facebook message? Just cut the contact off cold and come back hard in September? Or some idea i’m completely missing?</p><p>Guide me to safe shores with your lighthouse of Alpha advice.</p><p>-A.J.</p></blockquote>
  <p>wtf is this “casually flirting” shit?<br/> have you no sack?<br/> i want to remind you life passes real quick<br/> so always be closing<br/> don’t be a beta hack<br/> you’ve got one week left<br/> that’s 168 hours<br/> to smash that warm bun<br/> and go home a champion<br/> fuck facebook fuck myspace<br/> and fuck twitter too<br/> those are female playthings<br/> attention whores use<br/> face to face son<br/> balls front and center<br/> you are a spartan<br/> not a pissboy contender<br/> you’ve got no time<br/> to send cutesy IMs<br/> so just post pics<br/> of the summer girls you’re bang-ing<br/> and lo and behold<br/> like sun follows rain<br/> september will come<br/> and you’ll be on top of your game.</p>
  <p>piece out, governor!</p>
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