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61 lines
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<h1>Alpha Male Halloween Costumes</h1>
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<p class="nav"><span class="nav-left">Listed under <a href="/heartiste-2013.html">Heartiste: 2013</a>.</span><span class="nav-right"><a href="/theme.html">Theme</a></span></p>
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<p>From the <a href="https://heartiste.org/2013/10/27/alpha-male-halloween-costumes/" target="_blank">original article</a> on October 27, 2013. Author: <a href="https://heartiste.org/" target="_blank">Chateau Heartiste</a>.</p>
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<!-- This article was generated automatically using GigaChad System Alpha: HEARTISTE v1.0. If there are any stylistic errors or bugs, please report them. -->
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<p>It’s that time of year. Secularized America’s new number one holiday demands your careful consideration. As a man, you have one job every Halloween: dress in a costume that tells the world an alpha male is hiding underneath.</p>
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<p><strong>Rule #1: Don’t do “couples costumes”.</strong> Actually, that’s the only rule. Not only are couples costumes betatizing, they’re dorkifying. If you insist on doing a couples costume, make sure it’s a) something totally demeaning to polite company:</p>
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<a href="/files/YTygWRTM.jpg" target="_blank"><img class="center" src="/files/YTygWRTM.jpg"></a>
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<p>or b) something super sexy that leaves you with a semi all night:</p>
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<a href="/files/r9N3UkEX.jpg" target="_blank"><img class="center" src="/files/r9N3UkEX.jpg"></a>
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<p>In the above couples costume scenario, you’d be the guy holding the scissors to a piece of her tape. <em>“hold this thread as i walk away... as i walk awaaay!...”</em></p>
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<p>If the very limited selection of acceptable couples costumes isn’t your thing, you can go the conventional alpha male costume route:</p>
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<a href="/files/6jWbukQB.jpg" target="_blank"><img class="center" src="/files/6jWbukQB.jpg"></a>
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<p>Or, for you renegade alphas who love to both follow orders and break rules:</p>
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<a href="/files/Fw9ET0Bh.jpg" target="_blank"><img class="center" src="/files/Fw9ET0Bh.jpg"></a>
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<p>But the best alpha male costume is one I saw many years ago, if by “alpha male costume” we mean a costume that attracts battalions of beautiful babies. That is, after all, what alpha male is supposed to signify, right? A man of irresistible allure to women. Or, in this specific case, a costume that imbues a man with irresistible allure. Drumroll please....</p>
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<a href="/files/wjMhUYHl.jpg" target="_blank"><img class="center" src="/files/wjMhUYHl.jpg"></a>
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<p><a href="/contrast-is-king.html" target="_blank">CONTRAST IS KING</a>!</p>
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<p>Yeah, that’s it above. The most alpha male costume I ever saw, judging by the number of giggling women gathered round to admire and caress him, was a muscular guy wearing nothing but an over-sized diaper and baby bonnet, holding a rattle.</p>
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<p>Talk about baby balls.</p>
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<p>WARNING: Do NOT try this if you’re a soft, pasty, herbaceous manboob. It only works if there’s a contrast between the baby costume and your natural virile masculinity. This means if you look like John Scalzi, wearing a diaper will freak people out who might mistake you for some weird sexual pervert who strayed from his masturbatorium. Yes, even on Halloween.</p>
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<p>Since we’re on the subject of diapers, it would be a tremendous alpha male coup if you could manage to dress up as the Engineer from Prometheus.</p>
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<a href="/files/ZZFGDftN.jpg" target="_blank"><img class="center" src="/files/ZZFGDftN.jpg"></a>
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<a href="/files/8KksvtRY.gif" target="_blank"><img class="center" src="/files/8KksvtRY.gif"></a>
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<p>CH: <em>“No body suit required.”</em> </p>
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<p class="C">Library of GigaChad | <a href="/" target="_blank">GigaChad</a></p>
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